•What does a recent high school dropout and the Leafs team have in common? They’re both young, have no goals and no good prospects.
•What’s the difference between an eight-ball of cocaine and a Leaf game? Someone suggests an intervention and you feel an incredible sense of guilt and shame when someone finds out you spent $150 bucks on a Leaf game.
•What’s the difference between a line of coke and a pair of Leaf tickets? People would pass up a pair of Leaf tickets.
•What do Rihanna and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common? They’ve both never gone unbeaten.
•What do a criminal court judge and the coach of the Maple Leafs have in common? They both sit behind a bench, watch an endless parade of losers go by, and wonder if they are actually making a difference.
•What’s the difference between the German language and the Toronto Maple Leafs? The German language has lots of Ws.
•What do the universe and the Leafs payroll have in common? They’re both expanding rapidly and nobody knows why.
•What’s the difference between the Toronto Raptors and the Toronto Maple Leafs? The Raptors shoot at a net.
•What’s the difference between a missionary and a Leafs goaltender? A missionary is in position and saves.
•What does a dive bar and the Leafs organization have in common? A draft selection that makes you feel sick.
•What’s the difference between the Air Canada Centre and a red light district? In a red light district, you pay $300 bucks and somebody scores.
•What do a rambling speech and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common? They have no points, are difficult to follow and end up going nowhere.
•What do a TV sitcom and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common? They’re full of jokes, last about 20 minutes and then go into reruns.
•What’s the difference between the Leafs and a Seurat painting? The Seurat painting has points.
•What’s the difference between Air Miles and the Toronto Maple Leafs? Air Miles earn points.
•What does the show Mad Men and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common? They’re both obsessed with succeeding in the 1960s.
•What’s the difference between a manned mission to Mars and the prospect of the Leafs hoisting a Stanley Cup? A manned mission to Mars is attainable during our lifetime and will cost less.
•What’s the difference between a wind tunnel and the Leafs Organization? With a wind tunnel, you can select a draft, but at the end of the day, both of them still blow.
•What’s the difference between the Hells Angels and the Leafs? A Hells Angels prospect actually has a chance of joining his organization.
•What’s the difference between the Hells Angels and a Leafs Fans? The Hells Angels will generally leave you alone.
•Why do the Leafs suck at geometry? Because they never have any points.
•What do a fine wine and the Maple Leafs have in common? They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
•What do the Leafs team and a pace car have in common? They both go around in circles, aren’t involved in the race and are passed by all the competitors.
•What do college students and the Maple Leafs have in common? They’ve both finished their year by April.
•Why are the Leafs owned by teachers? Because they both take summers off and are demoralized the rest of the year.
